SyneRyder - journal


19th April 1999, 8:27pm
My bedroom, Perth

I shouldn't let her do this to me. I shouldn't ever allow anyone to make me feel this way. But I'm letting her anyway.

I keep looking across at the clock every few minutes or so. 7:20. 7:44. 8:23. 9:05. Waiting in the vain hope that she will call to tell me why she wasn't there. I know she won't though. I have no idea why I'm letting her play me this way.

We were meant to meet this weekend. I'd been looking forward to it all week - it didn't matter how bad things got for me during the week, how stressed out assignments were making me, I knew that at the end of the week I'd have her to talk to, and that would wash it all away.

I shouldn't have been so naive.

We had arranged the day we would meet. I had cancelled all my previous engagements for that day, so that we could spend as much time together as we wanted. She had told me which were the best times to telephone and make the final arrangements for meeting with her.

It's only now that someone has had the guts to tell me that she's been away all weekend. It would've been nice if she'd told me she was going to be away. Especially since I cancelled all my previous appointments for that day. Especially since I was looking forward to it so much. Especially since she is my friend.

The way it looks right now, it would seem that she deliberately set me up. It appears she had no intention of ever meeting me, to the point of organising it for the one weekend when she wasn't free. I mean, if she didn't want to meet me, why didn't she tell me that? If she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore, then I would've appreciated her telling me that, rather than leaving me waiting, hoping. Crushed.

She probably has a very good excuse. Maybe she's had an accident. Maybe she was helping a friend in trouble and isn't able to tell me about it. But right now, I couldn't care less what her excuse is.

Right now I feel betrayed.